I have a surgery date coming up. It didn’t really hit me that it was so soon until last night. Otherwise, I’ve just been excited to have time off for it. It got me thinking about how much I’d rather be doing something else than work. And how a lot of people are probably in the same boat as I am on that thought. And then that got me thinking about time. It always feels like it comes down to that, to be honest.

	With working and running a somewhat normal daily life on top of trying to prepare for the future, because writing (or lots of other forms of art) isn’t necessarily something that gives immediate rewards, it’s difficult to continue such a pattern. There’s a lot to daily life that I’ve learned takes a lot of time and effort. Tasks like cooking for example - what ingredients do you have on hand and what can you make with them? What cookware and tools need to be used? How much time do you have before you need to move onto another task? Are you cooking for the week or just a meal? What other dishes need to be cooked along with the meal? Which should be prioritized? I don’t believe many people think of it this way, but that’s it’s been for me. A lot of small tasks, broken down and individualized to reach an optimum amount of time spent.

And separating cleaning is a necessary hassle as well. Let’s say, for example, cleaning a bathroom. Toilet needs to be scrubbed and sanitized, countertops need to be sanitized, mirrors need to be wiped down, shower needs to be scrubbed and sanitized. It’s all little stuff that’s not really thought about. For most people it’s just, clean the bathroom. But again, with the way that my brain works, everything is broken down and it seems like a lot to do. 

	And the reason for this is because of the way that I handle time, I think. Or at least think of it and its correlation with success and the future. With every new year, it feels like time’s running out to be successful. Or at the very least, it feels like I’ll never get to my goal of being an author in time to enjoy it AND life. Because, yes, I do want to write fiction and poetry and practice that art. But at the same time, I also want to enjoy time with friends and families and hear stories and play games and watch movies. But, with how things work, I can’t really do all of that to the capacity that I’d like. So, some things must be sacrificed, never be done. 

	Maybe the accessibility to so many things has broken my brain. Maybe it’s FOMO or I have an escapist mindset or maybe I just never really grew up. But either way, there’s a lot of stuff out there that seems interesting and might be something great, if given the time to develop. But, unfortunately, there isn’t a way to make more time without sacrificing something else. We perceive it in one way and have assigned it values that only go forward. And once the time is spent, you can’t really buy it back. It’s not like a sweet hoodie from your favorite bulk warehouse seller.